Remember Where It All Began...
National Birth Mother's Day
(Saturday before Mother's Day)
A Lifetime birthmother,
adoptive mother, and adoptee
The landmark day you became parents... It's pretty clear
that the day of your adoption is not like any other day.
It's the day
you became a mother, your husband became a father and your
parents became grandparents. Your life is forever changed and
event will ever encompass all you have gone through to get
to this day.
There is someone else who
is a very important person; someone who had deep feelings of
loss and sadness on that day. That special
your child's birth mother. She has gone through
a great ordeal to bring you this day. Without her, none
you would have
All members of the adoption triad will remember
this day vividly and with deep emotion.
Sadly, it is sometimes necessary
to point out and remind adoptive parents, or parents-in-waiting
find their adoptive parents after a long and often difficult
suffered by their birth mothers. We must never forget
this very important woman who, by strength of character,
in circumstances, or both, opted to give the gift of
child to those who could not have one. For this reason
respect, recognition, consideration, thoughtfulness and
kindness, from those who benefit from their decision.
Birthmother and her daughter during an open adoption visit
Letters and pictures, at the very least, are not much
to ask and often provide your birth mother with hope
the decision she made. When she sees a happy and healthy
of her birth child, she has confirmation that her decision
was the right one. The occasional visit, if agreed
upon and handled
wisely, can help to balance out the lives of each person
involved: the birth mother, the child and the adoptive
family, by honoring
the wishes of the person who gave them so very much.
Should you doubt these truths, seek out some stories
on open adoption, speak to someone who is a birthparent,
for some references to reinforce your decision to
choose open adoption. Then, honor your birth mother's wishes, always.
You are your child's
parents, no doubt. But a birth mother never forgets the birth
of her child. Even if the child is out
of her sight, they will never be truly be gone
from her memory. This woman was your child's first
mother and because of this, your child will always remain in
Please, take the time to
send pictures regularly or when requested. Whatever your agreement
mother, commit to
it and follow through as promised. If you need
any incentive, simply
look into your child's eyes and remember
where it all began!
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is a Certified Open Adoption Practitioner, an award winning author of 2 adoption books AdoptingOnline.com and Adoption: Your Step-by-Step Guide. Mardie is also the talk show host of Let's Talk Adoption.com with Mardie Caldwell and the founder of Lifetime Adoption in 1986. She travels and speaks nationwide on adoption topics, family topics, infertility and writing. She has been quoted in and consulted for Parenting and Adoption magazines and has appeared on CNN, CBS, ABC, BBC, NBC, and Fox. Featured in Parade Magazine, Caldwell is an adoptive mother living in Northern California.