At the hospital, will I be able to hold my baby, or will they just take her away? What’s the best way to get a grip and move on over something like this big, without going extreme nuts?

This can be a hard time, especially if you don’t have support at home. Your feelings are real and your emotions can’t be turned off or ignored. They will come up later in life, and later might not be as good a time as now to deal with them. Believe me—you want to work through this and find support from women who can help you. There are many online support groups of other birth mothers, but this comes with a small warning—some groups are more compassionate then others—so check them out before pouring your heart out to anyone.

Thinking about the what if’s in life is normal and makes it harder for you. Of course, most women facing an unplanned pregnancy never thought they would be pregnant before they were ready to be a mother. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Adoption is a big decision. I speak with many women who wish they had gone through with adoption instead of exposing their children to years of poverty and poor care. Not all women can follow through with an adoption plan. This has to be your decision. It sounds as if you have done some soul searching and are still struggling with the idea of someone else being mom instead of you. This is where those dreams you had are someone else’s right now and it doesn’t always seems fair.

Have you made plans for your future? Experts agree that when a woman has a goal and a plan for her future, one that she can see herself in for the time after birth, she has some hope and direction. The pain and sadness aren’t removed, but it does help while you’re healing to be able to think about your plans. If you don’t have a plan for right after the baby is born, start thinking now of what you would really like to do with your life. Maybe you want to continue your education. Visit LifetimeAdoptionFoundation.org for information on birth mother college scholarships.

At this website you will also find volunteer opportunities to help other women. Grace was about your age when she made an adoption plan for her son. She found that volunteering to help other women like herself, helped her heal faster and gave her a better outlook on her life and her decision. Grace worked in my office for almost a year after she placed her son. Daily she would share how she never knew helping other women and speaking to adoptive parents could be the key to her own healing.

Try to meet with a counselor to sort out your feelings. Speak with the adoptive parents. Getting to know them better might help you.

What you do must be your decision and the best decision for your daughter.

Take time to seek out the help and support you need before you give birth. Some organizations such as Lifetime Adoption have support as part of their adoption programs. As you ask questions and seek help, you will find many people willing to help you move closer to a future you want and one your child will thank you for.